Luxord (lord_of_cards) wrote in nihilo_crack,
Luxord
lord_of_cards
nihilo_crack

Crack! Luxord Lets Go

Cast:  Jack Sparrow, Luxord, Saix

"So."


"So?"

"I'll tell ye again, mate, if you don't go--"

"But I can't just... go... like that. It's simply atrocious."

"What's atrocious, is that ye can't seem te acclimate yerself to the idea that eventually, out at sea, it's gotta go somewhere, and ye can't just hold it in!"

"...."


"Saix?"


"Yes, Luxord?"

"Did you do... it, too?"

"...Yes, Luxord. Eventually, I did it too."

"....."

"...."

"I shall never 'acclimate' myself to performing such a heinous act. It's doubly embarassing when the pair of you have to watch!"

"Ha, ha! Landlubber to the end! D'ya think we care?"

"I wouldn't if you'd stop staring at me."


"Luxord, if you want, we'll both go inside and you can go in peace. You have both my and, ah, Mr. Sparrow's blessing."

"Y-You're laughing at me! At my expense!"

"Heh, heh, heh!"

"Shut up! Both of you!"

"No need to get angry. We understan' if'n ye can't expel in front of yer mates."

"You are NOT my mate, Mr. Sparrow, and I will encourage you to defer any further statements instigating that you ever were!"

"Luxord."


"!!! Yes, Sir."

"I'm going inside and taking the captain along. We'll give you five minutes by yourself to deal with the issue. If it is not resolved upon our emerging, it's your own fault if you suffer any resultant health issues."

"Yes, sir. (I should have never drank all that damn tea before we shipped out!)"

"Heh, heh. G'luck, Lovebird."

Silence.

"........ Alright. If I must do this, then I shall find the courage. Somewhere. OhdeargodIcan'tbelieveI'munbuttonginmypants--"

Silence again.

"What? C-Come now, don't do this to me... Just... G-Go.... Ah. There."

"I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, LUCKSWORD!"


"OHDEARGOD WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IN HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Celebratin'!!"


"GO AWAY!! HELP!!"

"Luxord, calm yourself."

"But SIR, he is... he's hugging me!" Rustle, rustle. "I'm going to fall overboard!"

YANK. THUD.

"Ar..Grr.. get off me mate, you're heavier'n a netful of angry squid!"

"(Ha, ha... humorous...) Luxord, let me give you a hand."

"Thank you, Sir. (I feel so... disgusting.)"

"Do you feel better?"

"....Not really, no. Well. Okay. Yes."

"Good. Mr. Sparrow, are you... are you drinking the grog again?!"


"*burp* Aye... Want some?"

"N-No... I think we've had our fill of disgusting fluids for one day."

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